The Fatty Little Birds

Sitting here on the living room carpet with friends dear at heart and the old black and white version of the Martin Luther movie playing in the background, I am in awe of my blessings. Orange Spice tea has been boiled to perfection and is steaming from my cup and the sky is gloomy above us. Against the low noise of the film, the hushed sound of book pages turning sound every few moments since spring break never means a true break from studies, and quiet voices share fellowship over chicken salad and smoothly buttered bread. This afternoon is one of near perfection. The minds in the room amaze me at their intellectual capabilities. Theories and studies are dissected and discussed by these great minds that have no idea of their own complexities, and yet, I cant help but watch the fatty little birds outside the glass that separates my world from theirs. Its brisk outside and their feathers are ruffling in the puffs of icy air. They should be cold and bitter, but instead they are chipper and hopping about. They chat with each other and flutter around. They have no warm home or hot tea or theologies, but they are content. The good Lord could have chosen any little animal to speak about in scripture concerning His care and provision. But He has chosen the bird, a weak little animal that has scrawny legs and a tiny beak. It cares not for itself, instead the Lord provides for it. The plump things worry not for their next worm or the protection of their fragile stick homes. They stumble about continually, twittering from this branch to the next. They have nothing of their own, nothing they can account for. And yet, they lead a free life. This world truly does turn slowly. There is life within little worlds. The Lord has His almighty hand even in the quaintest life. Who am I to question the Lord in my own? Who am I in comparison to Him that I should think to demand or question my Savior? He has drowned me in His gracious blood so that I might be saved. He has drawn my eyes towards His Son and has instilled in my heart the things of Him. He has blessed me with family and love and companionship. I ought to hush my complaints and live my life more like those fatty little birds outside the glass, enjoying my blessings and ever depending solely on the Lord.

Musings

I've been horribly frustrated lately for I feel as though life has been dreadfully routine. Not that I dont appreciate routine, dont get me wrong but I like creative routine and my routine has been anything but. I miss the days when I not only thought "I should capture the grey skies and sickly looking trees with my camera and write essays about the music of the world that surrounds me" but actually did it. Is one still creative if they never follow through in the creating part of creativity? I hope so. I long to play piano and write and photograph and explore and think and study film and sketch and design but I dont. I go to school and I work and I sleep. I fear I have an old soul that desires youth but only pretends it is young. Lately I have been consumed by not being stuck in my rut but having a different day each day. Reaching out. Sometimes I grow concerned that my "un-sought" after desires might get in the way of doing what I am commanded to do. I know it sounds odd but I even think of the apostles as having an adventursome lifestyle. Living side by side with their Savior, I'm sure that days were never dull. And not because they are selfish as I am and desire a grand journey but because they were so close to Him and so obedient to Him. The Good News traveled side by side with them and went out before them just as it does with me. So why do I keep comfortable and quiet? Because of my routine. My soul longs for more but fears for the same thing. My tongue refuses to loose and in turn I go to and fro in my world, my every day. I have yet to speak out here, why do I think that I would be able to travel the world and speak out there? "Lord, that you might give me strength and courage to speak Your name to all surrounding me. That I might obey and share of the blood and life of You. That I might study and know but creat and be in You as well."
Hopefully my camera will come out, my fingers will bring about music and my pen will go to paper to create and my determination will be focused on my obedience and life in Christ. I hope the two go together.

Garden Flower: A Tribute

Time and thought are incredibly odd things to me but the way that they intertwine with in our tragically routine lives are odder still. Too often it takes a crushing blow to shake us from our monotony. However, the after effects of any such blow are not always impactful the way they should be. Sometimes the effects leave a measly scar that is forgotten only a little while later. My blow was not like that. The same blow left many dear ones reeling with shock and question, but somehow, at the same time, it brought a beautiful sense of inspiration and awe. On the day that quiet strength and grace left this life to travel to the next, a strangely inadequate quote came to mind. "I am, therefore I do." An irritating echo, for it could never sum up a life so eloquently lived. However, an echo does not easily quiet itself. One single day or rather, a life that couldn't be contained, changed my life and lives around me. Since that day has come and gone, an unquenchable thirst has been present in my life to live the way she did. To live in a way that reflects the glory of my Father's face, to love and cherish, to encourage and push forward in the face of costly sacrifice. And in this desperate attempt to quench this thirst I am reminded continuously of a flower.

Psalm 103:15-17 "As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear Him."
Matthew 6:28-30 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"

A true life, I believe recognizes two things. First, it realizes that it is nothing. Humble and poor by all measure, it has no other purpose that the purpose chosen for it and that purpose is a moment of true beauty. It has been created to bring glory to its Creator and not much else. But what an exquisite life. A flower cares not for anything, but stands simply and quietly. It never turns and screams that it would be better if only it could be placed here or there, or arranged this way or that. What silliness. No, a flower simply lives as it should because its temporary. It will pass away when the purpose has been fulfilled, but that time will not come a moment too soon as we see in Matthew.
Not only does a flower recognize its lowliness, but it doesn't worry either. Never has man been able to create something so simple and precious as a budding flower. Never. Yet because our great God has created this tiny bit of life for a sole purpose, it is finer than the splendor of Solomon. I believe that if we would quit the prideful sin of worrying we too, would shine in splendor for our King. If we would step out of our own fear of failure and misery we too, could grow in the lush lands that our Father has in mind for us. Our focus on Him and not on self would create blooms of life and reflections of Him.

I've met very few people who have truly lived out humility and trust in this way and in watching and admiring one in particular, I will be forever changed. One woman was able to impact so many in her simple desire for another land and in her quiet following of Christ. And because of that, she was clothed in a splendor that is indescribable, even if only for a short while. I want what she had managed to grasp and hold to. I believe that so many of us are only willing to scratch the surface of our Father's unfathomable care, when we could have our cups overflowing with it as hers was. She truly was created as a vision of beauty and an overflow of grace.

God is in Heaven

The last couple of months have been explicitly interesting to me. Most of time seems to have slipped by nearly unnoticed and totally unstudied. More often than not, I claim to be an intellectual who analyzes and ponders simplicity, but as of late, I am far from being an intellectual. I have simply been living moment by minute, minute by day. Desire to sit back and look at this complicated web of life has been growing in the recesses of my mind and yet, life at its continual fullest seems to constantly bother the habits of the mind.
One who claims intellect would also be the one that hates to admit to depending on inspiration. We pridefully like to think of every instance, every occasion as deep and meaningful. Inspiration has nothing to do with it, rather it is birthed from a constant frame of mind. However, when monotony sets life into play, action must be taken- sometimes subconsciously. Inspiration is a dire requirement. And so... inspiration. A coffee house with scholastic friends is perfect. A low movement of noise in the background and plenty of people to observe objectively. And with inspiration comes introspection on life of the last few months. And so a completed circling back to the start of the post...
"God is in heaven and all is right on earth." A nice summary of the cycle of life. Not just now, when things are simple and pleasant, but now and always. Even in the eye of the storm. Even in the sight of loneliness. Even in the wake of desolution. Because God IS in heaven and all IS right on earth. It may not seem to be so with the decline of morals and all that is good, but what we intend for destruction, He consequently works for the best of His desperately dependent children. We seem to be, or rather are, wallowing in the chaos of heart and the outside world, but He is not of this world. Rather, He is the Roaring Lion and the Meek Lamb. Come to save. Come to conquer. We have already won, we have already prevailed- there is none to fear. For He has crushed our fears with His spirit of love and mercy. He is the great I AM. And in that light, He IS. None will ever be like He is, never even come close. His bloodied hands have already caressed the hearts of His people. We are stained in His salvation and because of this, because of Him on His throne, all can be right on earth.

Today is a Day...

I decided today that I'm going to try to start updating my blog more often. It's been far too long. So bare with me... I'll be getting to it soon. Until then, God bless and Merry Christmas Season!

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

i don't know that i've ever seen a skit portray our life as sinners and sains so well

Happy Fourth of July!

wow it really has been forever since ive updated...
happy fourth everyone i hope it is a safe a fun day for all of you
finally graduated and im loving every minute of my last "free" summer
getting ready to start beauty school and VVC in the fall
this summer is crazy
going to mexico, high school camp, lake powell,
harvest outreach, jr. high camp, and boston
wow crazy crazy
im dreading the day i have to say goodbye to everyone leaving
for college
it really does feel like everyone in the world is
leaving for somewhere
oh well though... God will work it out somehow
hope everyone is doing well
God bless