David Cook - Always Be My Baby

I absolutely love this song. Its so pretty and simple.

unfortunately i have a killer headache...

so i got the chance to go to the fire station on a ride along with my daddy today. wow people are so funny sometimes. almost every call that we went on was for someone doing something dumb. there were a few points in the day when i just had to laugh inside because people just can't think for themselves sometimes. but anyways... it was really nice to hang with my dad all day. it was really relaxing and fun. the guys that he works with are all really cool. oh and by the way i had the best dinner i've ever had in my entire life. i'm telling you, those fire house guys can really cook! it was just a nice day and i'm really glad i got to go.

Leona Lewis - Better in Time

a perfect picture of life right now

Stacey is... swamped!

oh my goodness! life is not just a little crazy right now, its absolutly out of control. my teachers think they're pretty funny and just decided that now- four weeks before graduation- would be the perfect time to load on the most homework at one time that I have ever ever experienced. i finish up everything that i think i need to finish up and wham! i haven't even taken a breath and i've got another mountain load to tackle. the one good thing about it is its keeping my mind busy and making the time pass quickly. for any of you that have been praying for me during the roughest months of my entire life, thankyou. you know who you are and what i'm talking about it. God really is a God of mercy and he has finally pulled me through. so thankyou very much for caring.
i hope everyone is doing well please continue to pray for me as i continue making huge decisions about school, home, and career. God bless.

Kate Voegele - Only Fooling Myself

unhearted

Photograph each day so we can live forever.
Sit in the light to make the dark a little darker.
And I dance to move only you.
And I fight to kiss and make up.

I scream for some silence.
I laugh to laugh.
For once, not there so you notice I'm gone.
And I breathe cause its neccessary.
And I sigh when I see the moon,
I dream to make sleep less boring.

Until there was you and
I feel in the absence of heart
And I plug my eyes to cry.

I'm a hopeless romantic
and kicking the habit
but all hearts have darts.

Sweet red cherry blossom tree that
Lives in both you and me.
You marked your name but
I can see, its not on me.
So I've shamelessly gone
And made myself come undone.
Heavy hangs my head when I'm unhearted.

I wear this angels crown
To cover up my devils frown.
And upon my broken chest lay
A struggle between loneliness
and things that are out of place.
Like my head in outer space and
The carpet you walked on and
The ceiling that cries
Please don't walk away.

Bellow it out with all the breath in my lungs.
Apologize for all that I've done.
You did a number on me and a fantastic job.
In the scheme of all things we never felt.
When your heart's been breached
And your guards been let down.
You've rotten and spoiled me into the ground.
And a good mess forgives all the rest we allow.

Sweet red cherry blossom tree
that lives in both you and me.

track... track... track...

HA! so track has probably been the best decision i've made all year! i absolutly love it... i mean except for the actual running part- which i'm learning to hate a little less each day. i love my team! i love going to the meets with them, i love my off the wall tan lines i'm getting from running in the sun with them, i love taking crazy pictures with them, i love singing songs with them, i love conditioning to the center of the earth and back with them, and i love just being friends with them. i have built 38 new relationships in a matter of two months and it makes me happy. i don't know what i'm going to do without them when the season ends but i have a little ways to go so i'm not thinking about that right now. just so you guys know... i love all of you i really do!

March 15
100 (12) 16.61
200 (7) 33.98
4x4 (2) 5.33.27

April 10
100 (8) 15.48 -new personal record by the way-
200 (6) 33.49

Oh and both our girls and guys teams just swept league so that's a plus! Here we come CIF!


Seniors Baby! Luke, Me, Chris, Kaitlyn, Jamie, Leta, and Chaise. They're amazing.

Chillin' with Britni and Jon in the bright sunshine on the high jump pad.

Justin, probably the coolest guy ever. We have some good laughs whenever it is the least perfect time to have a good laugh!

Leta, my bestie my luv my soul sister... practically.

Jon, what can I say except I absolutly love this kid. And P.S. his aviators are probably the best ever! I'm serious.

A little less than half the girls team being a little crazy and a little over the top at our meet the other day.

Aaw... my Kaitlyn!

Kaitlyn and Kasi, they're my heros almost all the time :)

Me and Kelsie just being odd- like always- I love this girl.

Me and Jamie never have anything better to do except for laugh hysterically and do random things like take pictures of eachother.

The Starting Line - Something Left To Give

best friends

my goodness... what on earth would we do with out our dearest and best of friends? im sure i would be lost and confused and broken and frustrated 100% of the time. God must have known that we just wouldn't be able to make it on our own; that we need those who understand us to the core, will go toe to toe with us when were wrong and be there to lift us up so high we cant see the heartbreak below us. i absolutely love them. my best friends are the reason i can cope with the build up of the tears, screams and "grrs" in my life. and there have been a lot of those lately. but im learning to keep moving forward just one tiny little baby step at a time. with the embodiments of strength and sympathy by my side i can be strong and sympathetic. with out them im not so sure...
"friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

wrote this the other day

Life Giving Breath and Broken Sincerity

Heaviness brutally contrasts with
Life give breath. Rest and
Peace settle in outward adornments
While chaos rages just within well lit eyes.
Despair lingers behind ever closed lips and
Perfect pain leaves invisible prints on all
Things, forced into contact.
Dry sobs echo through my chest.
For the heart is cold. Rinsed
In falsehoods and washed in prosperity.
One's own good becomes one's
Own weakness. Picturesque appearances
Are haunted by the absent
Pulses of fear, rejection, loneliness.
Pounding rhythms that crush sanity.
All self-inflicted, unwanted.
All equally hated.
All embraced with broken sincerity.

broken heart

so im sick and tired of having my heart laying in pieces and pretending like im strong. cause im not. im hurt and sorry and so frustrated i wish i could scream. but im in class right now and im not exactly sure how well that would go over. its the weekend, i should have tons of things to be excited about but i don't. not that there isn't anything exciting going on. im just no where near excited, thats all. in all honesty, i need strength to go on. i know i need to just keep going, just keep taking one small step at a time but i can't. im living on friends who are dragging me on and God who is carrying me through. and its more that me just not being able to, i don't really want to "move on" and just be ok with everything. i don't want to move on and leave the one im waiting for behind. but i have to. i don't really want to be happy with anyone else cause i just want that one person to be happy. it is so beyond any of my control its not even funny. but i suppose thats where trust comes in. trust that God will fulfill, that friends will hold tight, and maybe, just maybe, one day my deepest longing will no longer be only that. cause i was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it...

the real me

people think i've got it all together
with the show and my sweet smile.
but do they know if i've been happy ever?
pull up a chair cause this might take a while
ok so here's the thing

i have my bad days, some are even worse
i can be a blessing and you know,
i can be a curse
i tremble at rejection, i'm scared to be alone
sometimes i might be selfish
but i always make it home

this is the real me
am i the girl that you want me to be?
this is the real me
with flaws and fears of intimacy
this is the real me
can you face it, can you feel it,
can you take it, can you deal with
the real me?

so now you see that i am far from perfect
i will fall and i will make mistakes
but i am here and this is taking courage
will you abandon me or will you stay?

i know that i'm demanding and sometimes insecure
i think i've got the answers, but then i'm not so sure
i sometimes need attention, a little more than i should
but there is a part of me
that would give the whole world if i could

now that i'm gonnna let you in
and i no longer will pretend
will you still be my friend?
will you please forgive, my friend?
do you see me now?

this is the real me
am i the girl that you want me to be?
i have flaws and i have fears
but this is the real me
now the question is
will you take me or leave me?

Safe To Say by Playjerise

Don't mind the actual video. I have no idea what thats all about but I love this song. So beautiful...

I Just Don't Know

So much has happened since I posted last... I'm not even sure where to start. I have some apologies to make and I have some people that I really owe big time. If you're reading this, you know who you are and I am sorry. I know you will probably never believe me but I am.

I'm in a really odd stage in life right now and I have no idea what to think about it. This place is hard and cold and painful and numbing. Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and shut out a lot of the things that go on around me. The thing is I can't. I think its because I have this fear that the moment I give up trying and turn my back, I'm going to miss something so much bigger and so much greater than me and my little world. But I have to admit, sometimes that fear is no where near as strong as it should be.

So often, I just want things to be different. I don't know why or even how I really want things to be, but for what ever reason I'm craving change and challenge. I also decided I'm really sick of people judging other people. You might think, "Sure you are. Someone probably just judged you. Of course you feel that way." But no one has been judging me (I mean besides the typical people that is). I have just been noticing it a lot lately. It actually makes me really really mad. People have no idea what others are going through or what horrid things have brought them to the place they are at now. And who says who should get to judge who? I don't know, maybe its just me being my bugged little self but it is pretty irritating.

I have also realized some things about myself lately. I am not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place and I spill things a lot. I'm pretty clumsy and sometimes I have a broken heart. My friends and I fight and sometimes nothing goes right. But when I think about it and take a step back, I remember how amazing life truly is. And maybe, just maybe, I like being imperfect.

I guess thats kinda whats going on right now. I'm definitly in a place of learning some rough lessons but I am learning. Sometimes I'm a really slow learner and I know I can be a difficult student. I guess that what it takes. But then, what do I know...