Musings

I've been horribly frustrated lately for I feel as though life has been dreadfully routine. Not that I dont appreciate routine, dont get me wrong but I like creative routine and my routine has been anything but. I miss the days when I not only thought "I should capture the grey skies and sickly looking trees with my camera and write essays about the music of the world that surrounds me" but actually did it. Is one still creative if they never follow through in the creating part of creativity? I hope so. I long to play piano and write and photograph and explore and think and study film and sketch and design but I dont. I go to school and I work and I sleep. I fear I have an old soul that desires youth but only pretends it is young. Lately I have been consumed by not being stuck in my rut but having a different day each day. Reaching out. Sometimes I grow concerned that my "un-sought" after desires might get in the way of doing what I am commanded to do. I know it sounds odd but I even think of the apostles as having an adventursome lifestyle. Living side by side with their Savior, I'm sure that days were never dull. And not because they are selfish as I am and desire a grand journey but because they were so close to Him and so obedient to Him. The Good News traveled side by side with them and went out before them just as it does with me. So why do I keep comfortable and quiet? Because of my routine. My soul longs for more but fears for the same thing. My tongue refuses to loose and in turn I go to and fro in my world, my every day. I have yet to speak out here, why do I think that I would be able to travel the world and speak out there? "Lord, that you might give me strength and courage to speak Your name to all surrounding me. That I might obey and share of the blood and life of You. That I might study and know but creat and be in You as well."
Hopefully my camera will come out, my fingers will bring about music and my pen will go to paper to create and my determination will be focused on my obedience and life in Christ. I hope the two go together.