broken heart

so im sick and tired of having my heart laying in pieces and pretending like im strong. cause im not. im hurt and sorry and so frustrated i wish i could scream. but im in class right now and im not exactly sure how well that would go over. its the weekend, i should have tons of things to be excited about but i don't. not that there isn't anything exciting going on. im just no where near excited, thats all. in all honesty, i need strength to go on. i know i need to just keep going, just keep taking one small step at a time but i can't. im living on friends who are dragging me on and God who is carrying me through. and its more that me just not being able to, i don't really want to "move on" and just be ok with everything. i don't want to move on and leave the one im waiting for behind. but i have to. i don't really want to be happy with anyone else cause i just want that one person to be happy. it is so beyond any of my control its not even funny. but i suppose thats where trust comes in. trust that God will fulfill, that friends will hold tight, and maybe, just maybe, one day my deepest longing will no longer be only that. cause i was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it...